Esther and The City

Esther seems to feel like she is not in control of her life. She seems very successful as she has went from having nothing to living in new york city working in the fashion business and partying with celebrities. Still, she feels the city moves her rather than her moving in the city. 

Right away it is clear that she has some sort of deep emotional problem. She makes many references death, or other dark things. She uses light alot, not to describe herself, but others who she envies Doreen. When she is watching Doreen in the apartment with Lenny, whom has a bright WHITE smile, she sees Doreen as having light hair and a white dress almost making her appear silver. She follows this with how it is so uncomfortable and basically explains that she is jealous of Doreen and Lenny. She also describes her mirror as much too silvery. This is odd because previously she described things to be silver that she wanted. how is it too silvery? Is this actually symbolizing and foreshadowing an inner conflict of self hatred?